Category Archives: Brad Pitt

My Grant Writing Fantasy

My feet are firmly planted on the ground, and I am grateful for each and every one of my grant writing clients; however, I do have a bit of a fantasy life (shhhh…let’s just keep that between you and me and the millions of folks on the internet, ok?).  This means, of course, that I have a grant writing fantasy, too. In the interest of full disclosure, I have decided to share it with you.

I get a phone call from a prospective client.  He sets up an appointment to come and see me about a new grant (instead of asking me to drive three hours each way to see him). I like him already.

When he arrives, he looks just like George Clooney (you don’t have a problem with that, do you?  This is my fantasy, ya know…), and he has come prepared with a box of materials to share.  As we sit down to talk, the following things become clear:

  1. He has already thoroughly read the RFP.
  2. His organization has a well-developed vision and mission, and they have already been planning a new project that is a perfect match for this funding source.
  3. He has already assembled a grant committee that has developed a detailed summary of what they want to do.
  4. He has also already developed a draft budget.
  5. His community partners are on board, and they have already written some draft letters of support for me to review.
  6. The box he brought in with him also contains his organization’s strategic plan (which has been updated within the last year), notes from grant planning meetings (along with sign-in sheets), recent outcome evaluation data documenting the effectiveness of his organization’s services, and the results of a client and stakeholder survey he administered within the last month to gather information for this grant proposal.
  7. He respects my opinion as an expert, which he demonstrates by asking insightful questions.
  8. He has come fully prepared for the business side of the discussion. He has done his homework, so he knows our rates, and he has already acquired approval from his board to sign a contract – right now, today. In fact, he has a check in his pocket for the first payment.
Every now and then, he stops talking and just gazes at me with his gorgeous eyes (MY fantasy, remember?) and then he continues, staying on topic and respectful of my time.  He answers my questions about the project clearly and succinctly, and if he doesn’t have the answer to one of my questions, he makes a note of it, and calls or emails me within a day with the answer.
As we start working together, he sends more helpful data and he is always available to take my calls when I need more information. 
He reviews drafts I send within 24 hours, and it is clear that he has reviewed them carefully because his comments are thoughtful, insightful, and useful. He trusts my writing process. 
As the deadline approaches, he remains calm and confident that we will get the job done well and on time. He doesn’t start calling and emailing 20 times a day to ask the status of the project. He refrains from changing the project design after he has already reviewed the third and final draft of the narrative. He allows my staff the freedom to make minor budget changes, as necessary, to ensure that the narrative matches the budget (subject to his final approval, of course).
He reviews the final product carefully before submittal, fully understanding that he is responsible for the final product.
After the grant has been submitted, he makes his final payment in a timely manner – it actually arrives a day before it is due! He knows we won’t have any news for several months, so he refrains from calling every week “just to see if we’ve heard anything yet.” 
He does, however, call with new projects for us to work on together, all with the same planning, organization, and professionalism that he demonstrated on the previous project. Soon, he sets up another meeting to introduce me to a colleague from another organization who is also looking for a grant writer and has a specific grant project in mind.  He tells me that he taught his colleague everything he knows, so the process will progress pretty much as it did with his organization.
By the way, his colleague looks a lot like Brad Pitt.
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Related posts:
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My Grant Writing Fantasy

My feet are firmly planted on the ground, and I am grateful for each and every one of my grant writing clients; however, I do have a bit of a fantasy life (shhhh…let’s just keep that between you and me and the millions of folks on the internet, ok?).  This means, of course, that I have a grant writing fantasy, too. In the interest of full disclosure, I have decided to share it with you.

I get a phone call from a prospective client.  He sets up an appointment to come and see me about a new grant (instead of asking me to drive three hours each way to see him). I like him already.

When he arrives, he looks just like George Clooney (you don’t have a problem with that, do you?  This is my fantasy, ya know…), and he has come prepared with a box of materials to share.  As we sit down to talk, the following things become clear:

  1. He has already thoroughly read the RFP.
  2. His organization has a well-developed vision and mission, and they have already been planning a new project that is a perfect match for this funding source.
  3. He has already assembled a grant committee that has developed a detailed summary of what they want to do.
  4. He has also already developed a draft budget.
  5. His community partners are on board, and they have already written some draft letters of support for me to review.
  6. The box he brought in with him also contains his organization’s strategic plan (which has been updated within the last year), notes from grant planning meetings (along with sign-in sheets), recent outcome evaluation data documenting the effectiveness of his organization’s services, and the results of a client and stakeholder survey he administered within the last month to gather information for this grant proposal.
  7. He respects my opinion as an expert, which he demonstrates by asking insightful questions.
  8. He has come fully prepared for the business side of the discussion. He has done his homework, so he knows our rates, and he has already acquired approval from his board to sign a contract – right now, today. In fact, he has a check in his pocket for the first payment.
Every now and then, he stops talking and just gazes at me with his gorgeous eyes (MY fantasy, remember?) and then he continues, staying on topic and respectful of my time.  He answers my questions about the project clearly and succinctly, and if he doesn’t have the answer to one of my questions, he makes a note of it, and calls or emails me within a day with the answer.
As we start working together, he sends more helpful data and he is always available to take my calls when I need more information. 
He reviews drafts I send within 24 hours, and it is clear that he has reviewed them carefully because his comments are thoughtful, insightful, and useful. He trusts my writing process. 
As the deadline approaches, he remains calm and confident that we will get the job done well and on time. He doesn’t start calling and emailing 20 times a day to ask the status of the project. He refrains from changing the project design after he has already reviewed the third and final draft of the narrative. He allows my staff the freedom to make minor budget changes, as necessary, to ensure that the narrative matches the budget (subject to his final approval, of course).
He reviews the final product carefully before submittal, fully understanding that he is responsible for the final product.
After the grant has been submitted, he makes his final payment in a timely manner – it actually arrives a day before it is due! He knows we won’t have any news for several months, so he refrains from calling every week “just to see if we’ve heard anything yet.” 
He does, however, call with new projects for us to work on together, all with the same planning, organization, and professionalism that he demonstrated on the previous project. Soon, he sets up another meeting to introduce me to a colleague from another organization who is also looking for a grant writer and has a specific grant project in mind.  He tells me that he taught his colleague everything he knows, so the process will progress pretty much as it did with his organization.
By the way, his colleague looks a lot like Brad Pitt.
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Related posts:
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Published by Creative Resources & Research http://grantgoddess.com

If They Made a Movie about Grant Writing Consultants……

It would be a thriller.  Yes, I’m sure of that. It would be an action-packed, intrigue-driven thriller that would keep you on the edge of your seat. I’m talking about the kind of thriller that is somewhere between Speed (with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves) and Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity, but it would have the heart of a drama – think about the perseverence of The Shawshank Redemption.  And it would also have some of the recklessness of Thelma and Louise.

I would be played, of course, by Kathy Bates, who would certainly win an Academy Award for her sensitive portrayal of such a complex character. Other grant writing consultants in the movie would be played by Brad Pitt and Shirley McClain, with supporting roles filled by Ben Affleck, and other fine actors. Richard Gere would be in it just because.

Here’s the basic plot:

Our heroine, Kathy Bates, would get a phone call charging her to write a very competitive grant in a very short period of time. She would argue briefly that it couldn’t be done, but she’d be told that it must be done and it must be successful because the fate of free world is in her capable hands. She would call her colleagues Brad Pitt (who’s having a beer at Rubicon) and Shirley MacLaine (who is somewhere in the moutains firewalking and getting in touch with her Chi) who would rush back into town to help.

Brad Pitt would work with the client to get the data needed for the grant, but it wouldn’t arrive.  Kathy Bates would yell, “But tell them we must have it!” and Brad would valiantly declare, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” as he hopped on his trusty steed (old Honda) and headed out to pick up the data personally. Richard Gere would just massage Kathy’s back while she wrote, whispering, “You can do it.  I know you can,” into her ear while she writes.

Tight shot on the clock spinning wildly as the time passes, and the calendar as the days fly by….

Shirley MacClaine tirelessly does research while support staff member Tina Fey works on the budget. Ben Affleck answers the phone with expert skill, keeping would-be interrupters away with a polite, but firm, “No, you can’t speak with her.  She’s saving the world!”

As the deadline draws nearer, the pressure mounts.  Shirley floats in and out picking up pieces here and there and offering her expertise.  Brad  remains calm on outside while expertly assembling appendices. Kathy’s fingers sieze up from the pain, but Richard massages the pain away.

As the first draft is complete, in walks Helen Mirren, competently and calmly proclaiming, “I’ll take over from here,” as she sits with the narrative and begins proofreading and editing, her pen flying across the page as Richard offers Kathy cool grapes, Tina wraps up the budget, Shirley finalizes the abstract, and Brad  talks to the client on the phone, assuring him that all is well.

Suddenly, Tina shouts, “Nooooo!!!!! The web portal is down!” Kathy rushes into her office, knocking Richard down on the way (sorry, Richard). “But it can’t be down!  The grant is due in 2 hours!” Tina just rocks back and forth, “It’s down, it’s down, it’s down, oh my god it’s down…..”

Helen retains her predator-like focus on the editing task.

Tina says, “Wait!  I think I can hack into the portal through the government’s evaluation site…”

“Do it!” shouts Kathy, “Do it NOW!”

Ben shouts at someone on the phone, “New phone service?  Are you crazy?  This is no time for solicitation!  She doesn’t want to talk you.  She’ll never want to talk to you!”  As he slams the phone down, Tina explains, “I’m in!”

“Great,” sighs Kathy, “Let’s get this baby uploaded and put to bed.”

“Ready!” says Helen, as she hands over a perfectly edited draft to Kathy.

Shirley calmly floats in, “I knew everything would be ok.”

“Don’t be so sure,” cautions Kathy. “We’re not out of the woods yet.”

Tina, Brad, and Helen work together to get all the documents uploaded, while Shirley and Kathy sip some tea.

Tina announces, “Done! The grant has been submitted…on time!”

Helen adds, “And it’s a good one!”

Kathy comments, with a matter of fact tone, “Of course it is.”  Then she looks around for Richard….

Ben answers the phone and tells Kathy, “It’s Mr. Non-Profit. He says he has a challenging project for you…..and it’s due next week.”

Kathy sips her tea, raises and eyebrow, and says, “Oh?  Sounds intriguing.  Brad, Shirley, we have another assignment!”

——————————

If They Made a Movie about Grant Writing Consultants……

It would be a thriller.  Yes, I’m sure of that. It would be an action-packed, intrigue-driven thriller that would keep you on the edge of your seat. I’m talking about the kind of thriller that is somewhere between Speed (with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves) and Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity, but it would have the heart of a drama – think about the perseverence of The Shawshank Redemption.  And it would also have some of the recklessness of Thelma and Louise.

I would be played, of course, by Kathy Bates, who would certainly win an Academy Award for her sensitive portrayal of such a complex character. Other grant writing consultants in the movie would be played by Brad Pitt and Shirley McClain, with supporting roles filled by Ben Affleck, and other fine actors. Richard Gere would be in it just because.

Here’s the basic plot:

Our heroine, Kathy Bates, would get a phone call charging her to write a very competitive grant in a very short period of time. She would argue briefly that it couldn’t be done, but she’d be told that it must be done and it must be successful because the fate of free world is in her capable hands. She would call her colleagues Brad Pitt (who’s having a beer at Rubicon) and Shirley MacLaine (who is somewhere in the moutains firewalking and getting in touch with her Chi) who would rush back into town to help.

Brad Pitt would work with the client to get the data needed for the grant, but it wouldn’t arrive.  Kathy Bates would yell, “But tell them we must have it!” and Brad would valiantly declare, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” as he hopped on his trusty steed (old Honda) and headed out to pick up the data personally. Richard Gere would just massage Kathy’s back while she wrote, whispering, “You can do it.  I know you can,” into her ear while she writes.

Tight shot on the clock spinning wildly as the time passes, and the calendar as the days fly by….

Shirley MacClaine tirelessly does research while support staff member Tina Fey works on the budget. Ben Affleck answers the phone with expert skill, keeping would-be interrupters away with a polite, but firm, “No, you can’t speak with her.  She’s saving the world!”

As the deadline draws nearer, the pressure mounts.  Shirley floats in and out picking up pieces here and there and offering her expertise.  Brad  remains calm on outside while expertly assembling appendices. Kathy’s fingers sieze up from the pain, but Richard massages the pain away.

As the first draft is complete, in walks Helen Mirren, competently and calmly proclaiming, “I’ll take over from here,” as she sits with the narrative and begins proofreading and editing, her pen flying across the page as Richard offers Kathy cool grapes, Tina wraps up the budget, Shirley finalizes the abstract, and Brad  talks to the client on the phone, assuring him that all is well.

Suddenly, Tina shouts, “Nooooo!!!!! The web portal is down!” Kathy rushes into her office, knocking Richard down on the way (sorry, Richard). “But it can’t be down!  The grant is due in 2 hours!” Tina just rocks back and forth, “It’s down, it’s down, it’s down, oh my god it’s down…..”

Helen retains her predator-like focus on the editing task.

Tina says, “Wait!  I think I can hack into the portal through the government’s evaluation site…”

“Do it!” shouts Kathy, “Do it NOW!”

Ben shouts at someone on the phone, “New phone service?  Are you crazy?  This is no time for solicitation!  She doesn’t want to talk you.  She’ll never want to talk to you!”  As he slams the phone down, Tina explains, “I’m in!”

“Great,” sighs Kathy, “Let’s get this baby uploaded and put to bed.”

“Ready!” says Helen, as she hands over a perfectly edited draft to Kathy.

Shirley calmly floats in, “I knew everything would be ok.”

“Don’t be so sure,” cautions Kathy. “We’re not out of the woods yet.”

Tina, Brad, and Helen work together to get all the documents uploaded, while Shirley and Kathy sip some tea.

Tina announces, “Done! The grant has been submitted…on time!”

Helen adds, “And it’s a good one!”

Kathy comments, with a matter of fact tone, “Of course it is.”  Then she looks around for Richard….

Ben answers the phone and tells Kathy, “It’s Mr. Non-Profit. He says he has a challenging project for you…..and it’s due next week.”

Kathy sips her tea, raises and eyebrow, and says, “Oh?  Sounds intriguing.  Brad, Shirley, we have another assignment!”

——————————

Published by Creative Resources & Research http://grantgoddess.com